October 15 Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day – 10 Things NOT to say to Parents who have lost children!
All month long, we have been remembering those babies gone to heaven, far too soon in honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. Today, is Pregnancy and Infant Loss day, the day when we honor our babies at 7pm our local time, by lighting candles in their remembrance.
This was my first and only picture taken with my first born son BJ after he was called home to heaven shortly after birth on November 29, 2012. God often uses our deepest paint as the launching pad to our greatest calling. Do you know your calling?
Having twice experienced the loss of children, I can say there were times when family, friends, co-workers, and church members said things that hurt, offended, and made me feel less than a mother. Although, I know what was said was meant to help, I’m here to tell you that not all clichés offer comfort. Clichés minimize the loss and the emotions a parent has toward their child no matter how big or small. Clichés do hurt, but as a parent, there is little we can say to such well-intentioned people. Since most people have not experienced child loss, it will be difficult for them to understand the length and depth of your grief and sadness. Another way family and friends may offer comfort is by suggesting you have another baby. Family and friends need to know how important the baby that died was to you, and ask them to be supportive by listening.
Below are Ten things NOT to say to parents who have lost children, an older post which was originally posted on my Lifestyle blog. These statements were personally said to me during my first weeks/months of grieving, and my hope is that before you use a cliché to comfort someone, you think about this post and the impact it could have on their grieving process. Be a listening ear and let them talk through their grief.
Ten things NOT to say to a parent who has experienced the loss of children
- Everything happens for a reason. Maybe God took your baby because he didn’t want you to have children.
Thank goodness you are so young, you can still have more children.
There must have been something wrong with the baby.
I understand how you feel.
Your baby is gone and it was meant to be.
You have an angel in heaven.
At least you didn’t get to know the baby.
I guess its good it happened now.
You’re fortunate you didn’t bring the baby home from the hospital.
It’s just not your time to have children. It will happen when it’s the right time.
BONUS: 11. Don’t worry God will bless you with more children.
Honor your heavenly angels by lighting a candle at 7pm your local time today. Let’s continue to be the light that shines bright as our guardian angels look down on us from heaven.