Nostalgia of being back in an OB/GYN office

I cringe and tense up every time I walk into an OB/GYN office.  Although this isn’t the office in Charlotte, NC where I visited monthly for almost 3 years, I still have a love/hate relationship with pregnancy and being around other pregnant women.  I can reflect back on those feelings of triumph that my pregnancy was pass the possibility of miscarriage and when I was officially viable if the baby decided to come early into the world.  I remember the feeling of being anxious as my due date approached and I was going to meet my son, BJ.

I also reflect on all of those first trimester tests that said my son BJ had markers for Down syndrome.  Then the ultrasound after ultrasound to confirm he was going to be just perfect.  After we lost BJ at birth and I had to go back in for my 4 week check up.  The OB/GYN nurses made sure I didn’t have to go through the front lobby.  They took me through the back so I wouldn’t have to see other pregnant women after loosing my son.  I remember those feelings of failure like I did something wrong, like it was my fault that he wasn’t here.  They greeted me with love and hugs and apologies.  My OB/GYN assured me nothing I did was wrong and sent BJ’s labs and autopsy to Johns Hopkins doctors to see if they could find a root cause as to why his lungs didn’t oxygenate at birth.  She shared with me the results and confidently said it was nothing they could have seen on ultrasound, and it wasn’t genetic if we had other children they wouldn’t have the same condition.  Dr.  Dickerson was my rock and the reason I kept trying because she kept cheering me on.  

I reflect on the countless tests and measures of my cervical length to ensure I wouldn’t have another late miscarriage with Super Mighty Max as I did with his sister Brielle.  Then I reflect on the time the doctor said he was going to have to stitch my cervix closed in order for me to carry Super Mighty Max to term.  It was around this time 2 years ago where my mom drove 5 hrs from Virginia to Charlotte, NC just in time to see me before they wheeled me back to surgery.  I woke up sore and bleeding, but still very pregnant with Super Mighty Max and with a long cervix.  
After Super Mighty Max was born and I went back in for my 4 week check up, I proudly wheeled him through the front lobby doors.   In 2 years time I spent many months in that OB/GYN office and I was finally able to show off my prize, my gift, my blessing.  All of those same OB/GYN nurses greeted me with love, hugs, and admiration.  They were ecstatic to see our blessing, our miracle, Super Mighty Max.  Our OB/GYN doctors both greeted us in the same way with love.  Because neither one of us was suppose to make it out of that hospital on August 19, 2014.  I lost so much blood I was on life support having machines breath for me.  Super Mighty Max was born with a faint heartbeat and hadn’t had oxygen for some unknown time.  We simply weren’t suppose to make it, BUT GOD!  

So, there are many emotions for me as I visit the OB/GYN many highs and lows.   But I can truly say that I’ve been blessed I have a testimony! 

Stay Super, Make Mighty Moves, and Be Blessed! 

~Erica   

Posted on May 10, 2016, in Maxwell's Story. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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